The snow crunched under the tires as I pulled into the library parking lot.
At 4:00 pm the sun was still (!) well above the horizon, shining on the bay.
Seeing the mounds of snow, shoved high by the snowplows with each successive storm this winter, Laurent eagerly asked if he could climb the mounds after we were done in the library.
Well.. yes. Why not? Never mind the fact the temperatures were nearing -20 C. There was a mound to climb and view to be had of Mont St. Joseph across the bay.
Laurent grabbed his library bag and bounded out of the car. I gathered my stuff and followed suit.
As I walked across the parking lot, quickly, in the brisk chill, Laurent ran up along side me. Eyes twinkling and mouth wide in his gorgeous grin he exclaimed, "I'm happy!"
A little taken aback (for I was not too happy this day) I asked him why.
"Because I want to be! And I am!"
Can it be so simple?
It had been an unhappy afternoon for me. By 4:00 pm I had shed many tears already. Tears of insecurity in my ongoing struggle with my creative worth (some days I'm brave, others I'm not). Tears of frustration that I might never see even half of my creative ideas through to the end.
Happy was not my word for the afternoon. But for my son the promise of a library visit followed by climbing a mound of snow, well... it was happiness for him.
And I thought how blessed I am to be loved by this boy. To be shown the way by this boy.
To appreciate these sweet and simple delights - crunchy cold snow, the winter setting sun (but longer days!), the hope of new books (even if they are written in another language you can't read!)
To climb a mound and see the view on the other side.
Thank you son, for sharing your happy with me.
~~~
{Phoenix rising from the ashes update}
Yesterday afternoon in front of the fire I created a large mind map of all the creative stuff I've got going on. The stuff I'm doing already - blogging, coaching, paid writing projects. And the "big thing" still trapped inside - the book that has been bubbling up in me since last spring but that I have been shoving aside out of fear, time constraints and... fear.
In doing that exercise I gained a lot of clarity (one thing for sure - I have a long way to go in the fear department) about what it was I was trying to accomplish with the project that we kiboshed.
This morning Damien and I sat, again, in front of the fire (yes, the fire helps) and talked about how to make those ideas happen - together. How we can move forward with my creative vision with the support of Damien's technical strengths - making the most of our unique combination of passion, gifts & talents.
A plan (yet another) is forming. My husband, coming from his technical background calls this the iterative process and it's what he does in his profession. He's up for it - content to totally shelve the infrastructure we've already worked on he's already worked on so far, to help me come closer to achieving my goals. Have I mentioned how much I love him?
Also, thank you all for your kind words and support. I have some stuff to write about that (ah, that's my book rising up in me again). How the support we offer each other helps release the potential we each carry within us. It makes me realize how powerful sharing our life stories and struggles really is.
I want to do the same for you - support and help you realize your dreams. I want my writing, mentoring, and coaching to do that.
Happy. I may find my way there yet this week.
